Rewind back to the inevitable period of your life when you thought you were a ‘cool’ kid. Don’t deny you didn’t have one because we all have had them; some probably stronger than others. And although I’m sure it is part of your life you have hoped to have long forgotten, I’m afraid I’m going to be digging back up some of your most cringeworthy memories.
Amongst many others, the generation that I live in means that the prime time for trying to be a Cool Kid was roughly 8 years ago, where us pre-teens started secondary school. Boys with gelled spikey hair and unzipped hoodies with the draw strings by the hood tied in a bow. Girls wearing ‘Miss Sexy’ school trousers with a swooped fringe that covered their entire forehead was the school “fashion” believe it or not. Tragic, I know. And (unfortunately) it doesn’t stop there. Kids rushing home from school and logging onto MSN Messenger to venture an evening filled of “hehe” “LOL” and “Wuu2?”‘s. I suppose we can thank MSN and the “cool” short-hand text talk being the culprit of this coining of cringe-worthy sayings and acronyms. Nice one MSN.
So here are my top 5 Sayings That Were Never Actually Cool. Ever.
5 . On my pleb/lemon
E.g. “I was sat on my pleb” “I was on my lemon”
Words cannot even describe how much I have always hated this saying. Typing it felt disastrous let alone the fact that people actually used to let these words come out of their mouths (in between taking duck-faced posed selfies). I am proud to say I never went through this “phase” of using this hideous metaphor. I’m not entirely sure if this was a Bristolian ‘thing’ or not, but this phrase is riddled with the Bristolian accent which has butchered this saying even more. “Oi Sarah, you left me and I was sat on me pleb lol”. See where I’m coming from? R.I.P. (Rest In Pity) to this phrase is all I have to say.
4. Cool beans
E.g. “Cool beans, see you later”
Describing something as “cool beans” is quite the opposite of cool to be honest. “Cool beans” was meant to have positive connotations; another way of saying “that’s cool” or “great!”. And thinking about it, it should have probably stayed that way. Because if you think about the literal meaning of cool beans, it really doesn’t make sense. So where the hell did this saying come from? Besides, cold beans on your cold toast where your butter has solidified again, not to mention the condensation on the plate making your toast soggy is actually a disaster. Possibly even a heart-break. So I am glad to say that (hopefully) this saying is extinct… and well, if you still say it now, you’re not cool. And you’re not green, runner or baked beans either. Sorry to break it to you.
Acronym for: You Only Live Once, “I’m gonna totes make some toast at 3am because YOLO!!”
Where to even start, is the question. No, I take that back. Why is totally the question. So YOLO was invented by Drake I believe, from song ‘The Motto’. Luckily, for humanity, many people used this acronym in a sarcastic context, some still do. Totally fine. Cool. Mockery. Satire- love it. However Drake’s YOLO did inspire some pretty revolting fashion garments with the print of the atrocious acronym plastered from seam to seam. Leggings, t-shirts, socks. YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO. More like STOP STOP STOP STOP.
Initialism for: Roll On (the) Floor Laughing, “OMG HAHA ROFL!”
ROFL. Roll. On. (the) Floor. Laughing. Does anyone actually do that? Imagine this; your friend says something funny. You get up out of your chair, fall onto the floor laughing and roll about. Or perhaps you’re already laughing on your chair and you fall off laughing. And you roll about. On the floor. Laughing. Rolling. On the floor. Laughing.
Utter rubbish. When you said “ROFL” you were probably docile whilst typing it. Perhaps a little twitch of your stomach and a second’s worth of air came out of your nose. But you were most definitely not rolling on the floor laughing.
1. “Your mum”
E.g. Person 1: “Who said you could eat my chocolate?!” Person 2: “Your mum”
Unless that was a very literate, factual response, then fair enough. But if that response was to try and give hilarious banter, then perhaps you should think about your ability to ‘banter’ at all. It baffles me as to why this was ever a good response to ‘par’ off your friends. I mean, someone asks a question or makes a statement, and your reply is… *drumroll* “Your mum”. A little disappointing if you ask me. But surprisingly, this irrelevant phrase, during secondary school gave the banterous legends who used this as a comeback, a free ticket to get on the banter bus. And I heard that it totally works on a real bus too!! You banter legends should try it one day, it’ll save you a few pennies.
There we go. There it is. Still think they sound cool? Mmn thought not. Anyway, I’m going to make some cool beans and toast at 3am which is totally YOLO and I’ll ROFL on my lemon. (Careful not to get any lemon juice in my cuts, heard citrus can sting). But then again, your mum could give me a plaster.
Images: Google Images. Not my own images.