5 Sayings That Were Never Cool. EVER.

Rewind back to the inevitable period of your life when you thought you were a ‘cool’ kid. Don’t deny you didn’t have one because we all have had them; some probably stronger than others. And although I’m sure it is part of your life you have hoped to have long forgotten, I’m afraid I’m going to be digging back up some of your most cringeworthy memories.

Amongst many others, the generation that I live in means that the prime time for trying to be a Cool Kid was roughly 8 years ago, where us pre-teens started secondary school. Boys with gelled spikey hair and unzipped hoodies with the draw strings by the hood tied in a bow. Girls wearing ‘Miss Sexy’ school trousers with a swooped fringe that covered their entire forehead was the school “fashion” believe it or not. Tragic, I know. And (unfortunately) it doesn’t stop there. Kids rushing home from school and logging onto MSN Messenger to venture an evening filled of “hehe” “LOL” and “Wuu2?”‘s. I suppose we can thank MSN and the “cool” short-hand text talk being the culprit of this coining of cringe-worthy sayings and acronyms. Nice one MSN.

So here are my top 5 Sayings That Were Never Actually Cool. Ever.

5 . On my pleb/lemon

9ae7d18ce00815d0fa63400a4990688f6feb1589a94032cfc99ab23ec9eb8cd9.jpgE.g. “I was sat on my pleb” “I  was on my lemon”

Words cannot even describe how much I have always hated this saying. Typing it felt disastrous let alone the fact that people actually used to let these words come out of their mouths (in between taking duck-faced posed selfies). I am proud to say I never went through this “phase” of using this hideous metaphor. I’m not entirely sure if this was a Bristolian ‘thing’ or not, but this phrase is riddled with the Bristolian accent which has butchered this saying even more. “Oi Sarah, you left me and I was sat on me pleb lol”. See where I’m coming from? R.I.P. (Rest In Pity) to this phrase is all I have to say.

4.  Cool beans

E.g. “Cool beans, see you later”

cool_beans_by_velica.jpgDescribing something as “cool beans” is quite the opposite of cool to be honest. “Cool beans” was meant to have positive connotations; another way of saying “that’s cool” or “great!”. And thinking about it, it should have probably stayed that way. Because if you think about the literal meaning of cool beans, it really doesn’t make sense. So where the hell did this saying come from? Besides, cold beans on your cold toast where your butter has solidified again, not to mention the condensation on the plate making your toast soggy is actually a disaster. Possibly even a heart-break. So I am glad to say that (hopefully) this saying is extinct… and well, if you still say it now, you’re not cool. And you’re not green, runner or baked beans either. Sorry to break it to you.

3. YOLO

Acronym for: You Only Live Once, “I’m gonna totes make some toast at 3am because YOLO!!” 

Where to even start, is the question. No, I take that back. Why is totally the yolo-meme-girl-firequestion. So YOLO was invented by Drake I believe, from song ‘The Motto’. Luckily, for humanity, many people used this acronym in a sarcastic context, some still do. Totally fine. Cool. Mockery. Satire- love it. However Drake’s YOLO did inspire some pretty revolting fashion garments with the print of the atrocious acronym plastered from seam to seam. Leggings, t-shirts, socks. YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO. More like STOP STOP STOP STOP.

2. ROFL

Initialism for: Roll On (the) Floor Laughing, “OMG HAHA ROFL!”

57552000.jpgROFL. Roll. On. (the) Floor. Laughing. Does anyone actually do that? Imagine this; your friend says something funny. You get up out of your chair, fall onto the floor laughing and roll about. Or perhaps you’re already laughing on your chair and you fall off laughing. And you roll about. On the floor. Laughing. Rolling. On the floor. Laughing.

Utter rubbish. When you said “ROFL” you were probably docile whilst typing it. Perhaps a little twitch of your stomach and a second’s worth of air came out of your nose. But you were most definitely not rolling on the floor laughing.

1. “Your mum”

E.g. Person 1: “Who said you could eat my chocolate?!” Person 2: “Your mum”

104.pngUnless that was a very literate, factual response, then fair enough. But if that response was to try and give hilarious banter, then perhaps you should think about your ability to ‘banter’ at all. It baffles me as to why this was ever a good response to ‘par’ off your friends. I mean, someone asks a question or makes a statement, and your reply is… *drumroll* “Your mum”. A little disappointing if you ask me. But surprisingly, this irrelevant phrase, during secondary school gave the banterous legends who used this as a comeback, a free ticket to get on the banter bus. And I heard that it totally works on a real bus too!! You banter legends should try it one day, it’ll save you a few pennies.

There we go. There it is. Still think they sound cool? Mmn thought not. Anyway, I’m going to make some cool beans and toast at 3am which is totally YOLO and I’ll ROFL on my lemon. (Careful not to get any lemon juice in my cuts, heard citrus can sting). But then again, your mum could give me a plaster.

 

Images: Google Images. Not my own images.

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Are Humans Greedy For Wanting More?

Autumn. Thinking about it, I have never really appreciated autumn before. It’s the same with spring, in fact. Autumn and spring just seem like one of those transition seasons that you don’t really remember once it’s passed; you’re too busy reminiscing the sand between your toes, sun clinging to your skin. Or the competitive, stubborn chill trying to wrap up inside your coat with you, Christmas lights glowing in between pines of the festively decorated tree. Autumn is the acquaint of winter. Much like spring is the neighbour of summer. Problem is, everyone’s waiting for the leaves to already change colour, dry up, fall off branches and autumn to be over, in exchange for crisp, frosty, Christmas winter nights that were made for festive films and hot chocolate, right? And after the best parts of winter is over, everyone is then impatiently waiting for spring to make the ground beneath their tapping-foot-and-crossed-arms pose turn dry, and for the British “sunny” weather to bronze (or crisp, rather) their bodies. But the more I think about how humans are constantly waiting for the future, whether the previous anticipated moment is present or not, the more deluded it seems.

We long for winter during the closing of summer, and then we yearn for summer once we get fed up of the cold weather. Hmm, seems logical, doesn’t it?…

My theory to all of this narcissistic nonsense is that humans are just selfish. But maybe that isn’t a strictly fair answer (nor is it scientifically true). But c’mon, what else is it when you think about it? It’s greedy for humans to desire everything we don’t have, meaning that we can’t appreciate the things that we are lucky to have in the present. Or even to appreciate fully the things we have wanted for so long (for example, seasons). But it’s not just seasons we are constantly chasing our tails for- all year round too. We get bored of old clothes, we get bored of eating the same meal over and over, and most of all, we get bored of being bored. However, perhaps the constant need for something different than the present is our motivation for the future. Too many times people (even myself), have said “I can’t wait until Christmas!”, because it gives us something to invest our time in and look forward to. We do it for ourselves. The more conscious we may be about the fact that humans do this, the more people may appreciate things. Maybe instead of focusing solely on the future, we can appreciate the present; where the autumn coloured trees fall beneath our boots, or the moist dew that hazes over fields as newborn lambs are welcomed to the world. Are we capable of being satisfied with now, rather than wanting more later on?

Photograph: By Rachel Jefferies

Self Inflicted? More Like Book Inflicted

Have you ever watched a movie and wished your life was situated like the characters’? Or read a book and wished you held the same characteristics as the narrative’s? We all do. We all wish that our lives were slightly different, slightly more exciting, slightly more lucky when it comes to love. But isn’t it amazing how well books, movies, music can influence you so immensely? To make you wish that you had a similar life to a description on a page. Is that the power of literature, or the power of your imagination? You’ve all read a book, but have you read into a book?

One of the incredible beauties of reading a novel in my opinion is the way the writer can make you think, feel, agree or even disagree with a character. No two persons read the same book. A book is always interpreted in different ways, whether it’s due to personal experiences, how well you can relate to what the book is communicating, or whether you like/dislike the style of writing you are reading. However I find it astonishing how a book, words on a page, written by a complete stranger to you, can have such power, making you think about everything that is happening inside the pages between your fingers, escaping your own real life for that moment. Books that portray characters so well,  having the ability to profoundly creep into your mind during your everyday life is also incredibly fascinating. I have read books in the past, that when I reach the end, I am so disappointed that I won’t get to hear about the rest of the character’s everyday life, it genuinely takes time to detach from the fictional characters that I have built a one-way relationship with. Crazy isn’t it? I mean, becoming attached to fictional characters. Sound’s pathetic when you say it out loud, but it’s perfectly normal because it’s not just like a movie where you witness their actions in third person. No, a character in a book is much more than that; you learn intricate details about the character, you learn about their past (and potentially their present). You not only witness relationships around them, but if the narrative is first person, you understand, you empathise how they feel. I don’t know about you, but I reckon that is some pretty impressive stuff.

Another crazy, yet weirdly normal experience I have had with previous books are wishing I was more like the character that is narrating the story. Wishing I had their charismatic qualities, or clumsiness (may sound like a bizarre personal trait to want but trust me, books sell it to you). Thing is, authors create likable characters. They want you to fall in love with the character you read about, because when the twist comes, you are emotionally affected. It’s how books are made entertaining. So this means that you aspire to be like the characters you read about. You want to be as lovable as Jane Eyre (Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte), you want to be as grateful as Hazel Grace (The Fault In Our Stars, John Green), you want to be as fiery as Amy Elliot Dunne (Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn). And although you want to be similar to characters you read about, you also want sub-characters to enter in your life as easy as the author tells you they apparently can (to the protagonist). You want someone to adore you the way Gatsby adores Daisy (The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald). It’s the greed we feel when our imagination has no limits, and expectations rise when we read such novels.

Isn’t it amazing how much a book can affect your perception on the world, make you crave something you don’t already have? Everybody wants their life to be a collection of perfect moments we desirably witness through literature and even films, blurring the lines between expectations and reality. Comment how a book has influenced you, possibly being the reason why it might be a favourite book to you!